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David Cunningham:
Why We Argue — And How a New View Can Transform Everything
By David Cunningham
Arguing.
Accusing.
Blaming.
Being cranky, mean, or downright nasty.
Whatever name we give it, and whatever form it takes, most of us feel surrounded by conflict these days. Politics is full of it. Social media is built on it. Even at home, many of us feel weary from the constant “negativity.”
And perhaps the hardest part is this: even with the people we love the most, we often find ourselves stuck in arguments we never meantto have.
So what’s going on?
What We’re Missing About Arguments
Every argument—every single one—is built on the belief that:
I’m right.
You’re wrong.
That’s it. That’s the whole structure.
When each “side” is convinced of its rightness, disagreement becomes a battle. And once that battle begins, connection disappears almost instantly.
But what if this entire framework of right vs. wrong is built on an illusion?
A Radical Revelation
Here’s the radical idea:
No one has ever been right. And no one has ever been wrong.
Ever.
You’ve never been right.
You’ve never been wrong.
No human being in the history of the world has been right or wrong.
This sounds outrageous at first—but stay with me.
We each have a unique view of life. We never see the exact same thing as another person. If someone stands in front of a house and someone stands behind it, they see two different realities.
Which view is the “right” one?
Which person is “wrong”?
It makes no sense to argue about it.
Even if two people stand shoulder to shoulder looking at the same house, their views are still different—shaped by memories, beliefs, hopes, fears, moods, and past experiences.
So if none of us share the same view of the world, how could any one view be the “correct” one?
If Not Right/Wrong… What Do We Do With Different Views?
We can:
Ask about them
Wonder about them
Be curious about them
Discover what a different view makes possible
Just like standing in front of the house gives you one doorway and standing behind it reveals another, a new view of life always shows new opportunities.
You may not choose to walk through those opportunities—but simply seeing them expands what’s possible.
And it helps us understand why someone else cares about what they care about.
Why People Act the Way They Do
All our actions flow from our view of life—not life itself.
If you see a cup of coffee and it looks hot, you sip carefully.
If it looks cool, you might gulp it.
The temperature isn’t what determines your action—your view of the temperature does.
This is true everywhere in life.
Once you discover how another person sees life, their actions make complete sense.
And the same is true for you.
This is why changing behavior—ours or someone else’s—rarely works unless we address the view of life that drives the behavior.
(Which is why countless diets fail!)
And it’s also why discovering someone’s view often produces compassion.
Because you suddenly see what it truly feels like to live life as them.
Why Arguing Can Never Really Stop—Unless We Leave Right/Wrong Behind
As long as we see others through the lens of right and wrong, arguing is inevitable.
But once we let go of “correct vs. incorrect” and shift to exploring views, something remarkable becomes possible:
Dialogue
Mutual respect
Creativity
Shared problem-solving
Compassion
Peace
This is not an idealistic slogan.
It is simply what becomes available when we understand that no one is ever right or wrong—only viewing life from their own unique angle.
How to Stop Arguing: The Listening That Works
If you want to replace conflict with understanding, here is the practice:
Listen to the other person’s view first.
Not to agree or disagree, but simply to understand.
Listen all the way through.
Keep listening until they can say:
“You understand how I see things.”
Then (and only then) ask if they’d like to hear your view.
If they say no, don’t offer it.
If they say yes, share your view freely.
You may still disagree—but the arguing dissolves.
Because arguing lives in right vs. wrong.
Understanding lives in appreciating someone else’s view.
Understanding Instead of Arguing
When we discover each person’s distinct view of life, we discover:
Why they act the way they act
Why they care about what they care about
How they are making perfect sense inside their world
And when we see this, connection becomes possible again.
This is how we expand our “love footprint”—not by changing others, but by understanding them.
With Great Love,
David Cunningham
Bio: Always dedicated to human services, David started as a special education teacher, and served as a Director of the Connecticut Justice for Children Collaboration and the National Committee for Prevention of Child Abuse.
Then, as a senior leader at Landmark Worldwide, David led transformational programs around the world for over 30 years. David has impacted hundreds of thousands of lives with lessons of authenticity, communication, acceptance, forgiveness, leadership, integrity, and love.
David currently volunteers with the Another Way to Go program in Philadelphia.
David’s new book and corresponding seminar series “Your Love Does Matter: A Pathway to New Consciousness and Expanding Your Love Footprint “ is available for sale. https://www.yourlovedoesmatter.com/
More from David: https://www.yourlovedoesmatter.com/awakening2026
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- Written by: Marc Malamud
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Blog Author: CBS New
Nearly 95% of people currently in prison will be released back into society, and historically a significant percentage are likely to reoffend. In California, authorities are trying to change that by providing inmates access to education, work and other rehabilitative privileges — programs that have been shown to reduce recidivism and increase public safety. CBS Reports examines a controversial approach some see as being “soft on crime,” which now may be preventing it. Watch more CBS Reports documentaries that dive into the key issues driving the national and global conversation at cbsnews.com/cbs-reports
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Board of Directors Search
Prisons to Partnerships (P2P) is a 501(c)(3) all-volunteer organization seeking committed, capable, and action-oriented visionaries to fill key leadership roles within our community.
We currently have openings in the roles of P2P President, Vice President, Board Chair, and At-Large Board Member. An Officer Profile document is attached to this letter.
Our Mission: Prisons to Partnerships welcomes individuals and groups to share ideas and resources and make connections that foster a community committed to transforming the narrative around incarceration and reentry for individuals, families, and organizations.
Our Current Programs:
- P2P hosts a monthly online Community Call where someone impacted by incarceration shares their life, their point of view, and their successes/challenges with an interested, compassionate, and supportive audience. Featured speakers include currently or formerly incarcerated people, people who provide rehabilitative programs for incarcerated or formerly incarcerated people, family members impacted by incarceration, and people who work within the criminal legal system.
- P2P also produces an annual online conference providing education, inspiration, and valuable networking opportunities.
- Other programs may be developed as opportunities arise.
If our Mission speaks to you and if you are open to making a greater difference in the world by investing your talents in this arena, please contact us. Let's have a conversation!
Thank you.
The Board
Officer Profiles
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- Written by: Judy Flattery
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Our National conference will be on Zoom, on Saturday, November 23rd. It will be from 9am-5pm PT with a 30-minute meal break, plus breakout sessions after each of the three segments.
The purpose of the conference is:
- To explore what life is like for people and their families experiencing incarceration and after release.
- To highlight programs and initiatives that successfully prepare and support incarcerated and formerly incarcerated people in their rehabilitation and safe reintegration into society.
- To offer new opportunities for partnerships by promoting meaningful dialogue and collaboration.
- To inspire people to support programs that reduce recidivism, promote social justice, and transform lives during and after incarceration.
We are starting the transformation with a National virtual conference on Zoom. We would love for you to join us (register here)
Speaker number 2 on our hit parade:
Michael Todd 
Coming From The Heart
Synopsis: Michael Todd shares his life and his work making the point that effective programming, coupled with the ability to change, makes personal transformation possible, which in turn can lead to community and societal transformation. His work with Compassion Prison Project and the development of the New Start Parole Preparation Class is one of the many ways Michael gives back.
Our Speaker: Michael Todd is the Manager of Rehabilitative and Reentry Programming at Compassion Prison Project, and a survivor.
He has survived many Adverse Childhood Experiences. He has survived a Traumatic Brain Injury suffered in an automobile accident that killed the other people he was with.
Most importantly, he has survived a Life Sentence in the California Department of Corrections, before they decided to offer any type of rehabilitative programming.
Michael was tried as an adult for a crime he committed when he was 15 years old. He served over 27 years on this sentence before he was granted parole. While in prison, Michael participated in many self-help and rehabilitative programs, including Compassion Prison Project’s ‘Trauma Circle’ that was used in the Step Inside the Circle film.
Since being released, Michael has continued to work to make a difference in the way that people view people in prison, and those who are released from prison. He facilitates classes teaching people about the types of trauma that lead to crime, and that come from crime, and how to heal from that.
He also trains Service Dogs for Military Veterans with PTSD and teaches Veterans how to train the dogs themselves.
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- Written by: Marc Malamud
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Blog Author: Marc Malamud
First National Virtual Conference
We are starting the transformation of the culture around incarceration in the USA with a National virtual conference on Zoom. We would love for you to join us (register here)
- Saturday, November 23rd.
- 9am-5pm PST in three segments with working breakout sessions after each segment and two 20 min breaks.
The purpose of the conference is:
○ To explore what life is like for people and their families experiencing incarceration and after release.
○ To highlight programs and initiatives that successfully prepare and support this community
○ To offer new opportunities for partnerships in this realm
○ To inspire people to support effective programs
There are three segments:
- What's it like to be in prison and what resources and organizations are helping with the healing and re-orientation/rehabilitation needed
- What’s it like to walk out the gates and be on parole? What are the challenges of reentry, and what type of support is needed and available?
- What work is being done to address underlying systemic issues? What else is possible?
Join us for part or all of the day! (register here)
Interact in the breakout sessions!
Build community and connection!
If you have any questions, please email
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- Written by: Judy Flattery
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Our first keynote speaker of our November 23, 2024 National Virtual Conference.
A Time for New Thinking, New Energy, and New Action
Synopsis: In this presentation, David will propose that for the Partnerships we want, to have the impact we are committed that they have, we must have new dialogues at every level.
Dialogues…
. in which we give up talking about who or what is "right and wrong" or "good and bad" and instead focus on what “works” and what does not “work”;
. in which we drop all language which dehumanizes anyone and falsely separates anyone.
. which offer real concrete tools for successful free living; and,
. in which real respect, honor and love is generated in all directions.
David will also shine fresh light on the importance of “community” for all people.
Our Speaker: Always dedicated to human services, David Cunningham started as a special education teacher, and served as a Director of the Connecticut Justice for Children Collaboration and the National Committee for Prevention of Child Abuse.
Then, as a senior leader at Landmark Worldwide, David led transformational programs around the world for over 30 years. David has impacted hundreds of thousands of lives with lessons of authenticity, communication, acceptance, forgiveness, leadership, integrity, and love.
David currently volunteers with the Another Way to Go program in Philadelphia.
David’s new book and corresponding seminar series Your Love Does Matter: A Pathway to New Consciousness and Expanding Your Love Footprint, are both available for pre-release sale.
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- Written by: Marc Malamud
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2024 Virtual Conference Schedule
Times in Pacific Time
| Start Time | Speaker and Topic Title | Bio Links |
| 9:00am | Welcome to Our Conference! | |
| 9:10am | David Cunningham ~ A Time for New Thinking, New Energy, and New Action | Details |
| 9:40am | Michael Todd ~ Compassion Prison Project | Details |
| 10:00am | Dr. Michael Golding ~ The California Model | Details |
| 10:20am | Justin Phillips ~ Occupational Mentor Certification Program | Details |
| 10:40am | Gerald Dooley ~ Prison Entrepreneurship Project | Details |
| 11:10am | Break Out Room Discussion Groups | |
| 11:40am | Snack/Meal Break | |
| 12:00pm | Sol Santos ~ Red Pill or Blue Pill? | Details |
| 12:25pm | Abigail Lewis ~ Golden Rule ReEntry | Details |
| 12:45pm | Gavin Raders ~ Planting Justice | Details |
| 1:05pm | Dr. Ronald Day ~ The Fortune Society | Details |
| 1:30pm | Break Out Room Discussion Groups | |
| 2:00pm | Snack/Meal Break | |
| 2:20pm | Khairi Reynolds ~ Restorative Justice | Details |
| 2:45pm | Dr. Rose Park ~ TBD | Details |
| 3:05pm | Ricardo Bacigalupo ~ Another Way to Go - A New Way of Thinking! | Details |
| 3:25pm | Tracy Hunt ~ In-Prison and Reentry Program Volunteer | Details |
| 4:00pm | Break Out Room Discussion Groups | |
| 4:40pm | Closing Remarks |
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- Written by: Karen Johnson
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Blog Author: Karen Johnson
Thoughts on the Judicial System
Written in 2005 by the mother of an incarcerated juvenile. I have been studying the judicial system for a while and decided to write down my thoughts on the matter.
First, let me say that I am a person who makes a difference in my family, community, and country. I come from a long line of revolutionists starting with John Milton in England. I am a person with a good head on my shoulders, and common sense is my middle name. I am a positive person who likes to look on the bright side of things, but I'm always looking for ways to make things better.
In my studies, I have noticed that the so called 'criminal justice system'" is not that at all, but is actually a 'criminal legal system', and as such, is only looking at the law. Now, law is good to have: it keeps us steady and on the straight and narrow. However, law without judgement is not good for it breeds injustice for all. When the laws are more important than a man's life then a line has been crossed. So many times I have heard, in talking to people across this great nation, that someone in their family or someone they know personally was touched by and impacted (not in a good way) by the 'criminal legal system'. I say, "How can this be? Is not the 'system' supposed to work for the people, and not the other way around?" Instead I hear story after story of people, good people, being thrown away by the 'system' because of one infraction. In many of these stories the punishment does not fit the crime, and in some cases innocent people are convicted of crimes. And, once in the system, their record follows them around for the rest of their lives, even though they have done their time and 'paid' for their crime. I thought that once you had served your time, you would be free to rejoin society and get on with your life, but not so.
In the case of my son, he did do something wrong, and he was incarcerated for it, but once he returned home something was dreadfully wrong. Now, I do not know what influenced him in the juvenile system, and for all intents and purposes 'they' were there to 'rehabilitate' the young people. But, I can say for certain that the person that my son was before was not the person that returned to us on that November day when he was released. He was unsure of himself, had low self-esteem, and thought 'bad' thoughts about himself. This escalated into 'bad' behavior and eventually a DWI that landed him back in the 'system'. Hey, that is just where they expect you to land. There is no expectation of success, although they spout those words. "Go and do good, and don't mess up". But behind those words is the feeling that they don't expect that to happen and so it rarely does. Once you are back in the 'system' they put you on 'probation' which is supposed to help you, but all it does, that I have ever seen, is drag you down until you submit and go out and do another crime.
My son tried to go to school after the DWI, but waiting in the lobby of the Probation Office for three to four hours became too much for him to take. His school told him that if he missed class three times his grade would fall by one letter. Now, he had to choose between being at the probation office, or being in class. He chose class and was faulted for it. He called probation and left a message with his probation office, but did not get a call back.
How do we fix this? By putting in more caring people? No, there are already caring people there, at least at first before their spirit is broken. No, the caring people need training and the freedom to do their jobs in a caring environment. Cynicism rears its head to say, "Oh yes, but the 'criminal' is conniving and sneaky and lies to us, so we treat them like a 'criminal'.
What if all they need is to be 'heard"'?
Karen Johnson
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- Written by: Marc Malamud
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Blog Author: Marc D Malamud
www.prisons2partnerships.com
We hope you received our first email telling you about our recently-formed 501(c)(3) Prisons to Partnerships organization and our national virtual conference.
If you have already registered, thank you! If you haven't, let me tell you more about it.
Our National conference will be on Zoom, on Saturday, November 23rd. It will be from 9am-5pm PST with a 30-minute meal break, plus two working breakout sessions after each segment.
The purpose of the conference is:
- To explore what life is like for people and their families experiencing incarceration and after release.
- To highlight programs and initiatives that successfully prepare and support incarcerated and formerly incarcerated people in their rehabilitation and safe reintegration into society.
- To offer new opportunities for partnerships by promoting meaningful dialogue and collaboration.
- To inspire people to support programs that reduce recidivism, promote social justice, and transform lives during and after incarceration.
Here’s how the segments will be divided:
- What's it like to be in prison, ready and willing to address the issues that resulted in incarceration while working towards release? What issues typically need to be addressed to appear before the parole board and be successful in getting a release date? What resources and organizations are helping with the healing and re-orientation/rehabilitation needed to be approved for parole and successful in life?
- What’s it like to walk out the gates and be on parole? What are the challenges of reentry, and what type of support is needed and available? What’s working? What’s it like for the families? Relationship between parole officer and parolee. Successfully transitioning off of parole.
- The organizations presented today are doing great work within the current system; but what about the system itself? What work is being done to address underlying systemic issues? What else is possible? What support is needed?
We do hope you will join us for the breakout groups after each segment, where you’ll be able to interact with other like-minded people and have more personal contact with the speakers. Everyone is invited to come and go as they please. And we would love for you to stay for the entire day!
Registration is free. We don't want a registration fee to stand in the way of anyone connecting with this valuable information and networking opportunities (and P2P gratefully welcomes donations of any amount to offset our conference costs).
Please register in order to receive the conference Zoom link.
If you have any questions, please email
Marc D. Malamud